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For a woman who lives with a man whose ex spouts out how the man was when she lived with him, I find her writing to be completely unbelievable.

I can say that I understand how her insecurities drove them apart, but I think her dislike of herself stemmed from a much darker age. One in which her father, (who was always controlling his wife according to witnesses), did the most damage to her psyche, as is with people moving in a stressful situation to a new country.

Are the children then safe to stay at their grandparents house if she received such abuse from them?

Borderline personality disorder can be hereditary. With a mental illness such as this it is hard to fix, or diagnose, as people with it are unwilling to admit there is something wrong with them. It becomes a huge blame game which can harm everyone around them.