One of the most confusing things about fear of abandonment is that sometimes people with BPD display it through clinginess and neediness, they often act in negative ways that drive others away from them. The repeated cell phone calls are once example; others include:
- Protestation like, “You never loved me,” “You like your hobby more than me,” and the old standby, “I know you are having an affair.”
- Insistence that you isolate yourself from other people.
- Stalking and continual contact forced upon you after the relationship is over. Even arguments are better than being along. Your new partner may even get dragged into battle, split, and verbally harassed.
- Continual threats of divorce or breaking up (“I’ll leave you before you leave me.”) This is extremely common and very confusing because the next minute the person with BPD wants to be close again.
- Potential or real losses in lower-functioning people with BPD may trigger suicide attempts or self-harm.