I lived in fear, paralysed by the threats she had made, by the domineering presence she portrayed. By the overwhelming sight of seeing her everywhere. Always ready to undermine me, always ready to catch me.
I worked, she was there. I took my little one to kinder, she was there.
She made me feel sick, I could not ever relax. She searched and found my number to ring me. She looked up my house address.
With so much energy wasted on protecting myself and the kids from her, I wondered how I would ever get the energy to live my life.
She took my life from me. All the things I had loved to do now felt shrouded in a dark cloud, overshadowed.
What Borderlines and Narcissists Fear Most: Part B
Fear of abandonment is the engine that drives borderline personality disorder. The real or imagined belief of imminent separation destabilizes all the other BPD traits. For example, a lunch date with an opposite sex coworker may make them not only jealous, but be a portent of the breakup of the relationship (splitting). From appetizer to dessert, expect your cell phone to ring incessantly. After you turn it off, expect 20 text messages from your girlfriend starting with mild “how are you’s?” and ending with desperate pleas of, “if you don’t call me now this relationship is over!”
People with BPD desperately cling to others as if they were a life raft. Feeling so out of control with themselves, they may constantly try to seize control of situations and other people to make their own chaotic world more predictable and manageable. In conversation, they may constantly draw the focus of attention back on themselves. And they may go to great lengths to avoid being alone.
The end of a relationship may not mean the end of the acting out of abandonment fears. Husbands, in particular, report that ex-wives constantly draw attention to themselves by creating drama, especially around the children they coparent. Negative attention is better than no attention. Second wives become targets because the BP cannot let go.