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My heart catches in my throat, I feel unable to breathe. She is at it again. I bite my tongue and hold my breath, keeping from everyone – from him, from her, from my family the tradgedy… The brokenness. The sound catching in my throat.

I stand utterly still, pretending it doesn’t bother me, but I can tell I have that deer in the headlights expression on my face. The force of trying to stop yourself from saying something stupid out of anger, or yelling, was more paralysing than actually being allowed to let it out.

But I had been beaten before when I’d said the wrong things, had used the wrong tone of voice, had followed where I was not supposed to go, so I had been trained to keep my tongue. My composure, if stilted.

When will it end? Every time we get settled, every time we’ve taken that special time out to be with each other, to explore this new love, she is there.

Horror does become her.

He is now wasted.

Broken by her words, he slumps into the couch. All energy has left him.

Once again.

Over.

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